Tuesday, December 7, 2010

the paradox of being vegan part 2

Note: the paradoxes of being vegan that I discuss in this and other posts are my own personal observations, and not necessarily universally applicable to all vegans

Paradox #2:

  • As a vegan I've never been more at peace
  • As a vegan I've never been more pissed off

I'm at peace because what I consume is in line with my moral and ethical values. For the most part (keeping in mind the two important words "possible" and "practical" from the veganism definition), I do not eat, wear, or use animals/animal products, and try to encourage others to do the same. As much as I can, I attempt to follow the adage of "first, do no harm", and vote with my fork and wallet every day. While it may not seem like enough, at least I can rest more easily (even if I didn't participate in any other form of activism) knowing that I do my best not to contribute any further to animal harm and exploitation.

But while I personally feel more at peace, I have also never felt angrier. As a vegan, I probably don't even have to explain this, and I assume that most of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Part of the process of becoming vegan is learning to see the world with new (or perhaps it would be more accurate to say opened) eyes and becoming aware of and being witness to the cruelty and injustice that nonhuman animals face daily and worldwide can be overwhelming. There is so much to be pissed off about! Animal use is so pervasive and ingrained and virtually no individual, group, society, institution or corporation is blameless. We can even become angry with other vegans or vegan groups that we feel aren't tackling the issues in the ways we would like, or in the ways we find most effective. And I think that while anger can be an extremely useful tool and a vehicle for change, it's also exhausting. For myself I've come to realize that I have to find ways to channel that anger more effectively because I don't think increased blood pressure and stress (as just two physical manifestations) will make me or anyone else a better activist.

How about you? How do you straddle trying to be more compassionate towards ALL living creatures when some of those creatures piss you off the most? ;)

p.s. in case you haven't read it yet, here's the paradox of being vegan part 1  


Comments
Krissa said...

Yep - this is exactly how I feel, too. I feel more at peace also because I feel much, much more connected to the lives around me, well, the non-human lives around me and I feel a spirituality that I didn't feel before even though I have always "loved animals". The anger issue has been a big one for me. I have become so enraged that I almost can't describe it, but as you wrote, probably we all understand this so need to explain. I have no good solution for the anger issues. It IS a strange paradox to feel so much spiritual growth, but to also feel the most rage I've ever felt in a matter of minutes depending on what I have seen, read or thought. As I've commented before, my anger gave way to a deep depression for a while. I still feel sad several times a day because of the horror of what I know goes on in this world, but I don't feel *depressed* right now. I can safely predict that I will most likely get extremely angry at least 2 times today because of something done against our natural animal brothers and sisters. And probably more than 2 times. I have thought about getting a punching bag. It sounds a bit goofy, but it would help with releasing my anger. Won't help the ones who I'm angry on behalf of, but I do what I can along the same lines as you. Until I can find more to do, this has to be enough. ... Looking forward to another paradox!

have gone vegan said in reply to Krissa...

A punching bag is a great idea! I used to have a speed bag (I think they're called) that you hang up from the ceiling and punch at. But you know what I can really see you doing? Kickboxing! :)

I don't have a good solution either for the anger, although I do know I have to find one. And quick!

One more paradox to go. Unless I think of more I guess, snort.

Krissa said in reply to have gone vegan...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd bop myself a good one with a speed bag. I know I can't get a punching bag in this apartment, but I would love to. ... On a more peaceful note - I wanted to give it a few days before I suggested this in case it was just a fluke that it was working in the beginning. Anyway, I am (in most circumstances) totally unable to meditate. However, this past week I found Tibetan monks chanting on You Tube. I don't know if it will work for you, but I close my eyes and listen to it and focus on it and it really, really works. There's something to it for sure. By the way, I read up on it. You probably know, but it's called throat singing. A lot of native cultures do it, but I've only listened to the Tibetan monks. I'll skip all the details of the actual meditating, though it's quite something. But afterwards there is the same feeling as getting a professional massage...and there is a relaxation and peace that lasts a long time. ... I would still like a punching bag, but I do think that the chanting is helping. If you feel like it, give it a try. Let me know what you think if you do try it!

have gone vegan said in reply to Krissa...

I've never been able to meditate either. Just can't get my mind to stay still. ;)

Yes, I've heard throat singing before, and you're right, it does sound like a peaceful way to diffuse anger. Hmmm, I should see if I can get a CD or something. I'll let you know if I do!

veganelder said...

Excellent post. One of the things I have noticed is that as I became (and become) more sensitized to the plight of the fur, feather and fin people....suddenly many books and movies achieved instant offensive status.

Sometimes it is repugnant enough that I leave off even reading anymore of the book. Then I find myself wanting to write the author and ask them if they have given any real thought to what they are writing.

It is amazing how often ambushing and killing innocent animal folk (hunting) is glorified as some sort of exhibition of courage and skill and all-round wonderfulness in a book. I avoid getting angry whenever possible but opting out of dismay and astonishment and horror is impossible.

The pervasiveness of support for human animal entitlement to exploit, enslave, kill and eat our fellow animals is incredible and much entertainment and information content affirms and continues that grotesque legacy. The more settled I become to living vegan, the more aware and sensitive I become to the many signals and messages that just the opposite sort of living is "normal" and desirable.

Screw it, if it became that way, then it can un-become that way and I damn well want to participate in the "un-becoming". :-)

have gone vegan said in reply to veganelder...

Thanks veganelder, and I apologize for being so far behind in commenting on your blog. Hope to get to that tomorrow!

I share your repugnance and dismay. Being vegan kind of reminds me of that phrase "what has been seen cannot be unseen", in that once you know, you can no longer ignore or rationalize certain things. Although, I guess there are enough ex-vegans to prove me wrong! :(

I love the play on words on "un-becoming" and I want to participate too! Maybe one day everyone will realize how unbecoming being unvegan truly is. We can only hope...

Jill said...

Both of these paradox posts are just so spot on. I will be sharing on FB...

Thanks so much Jill! I appreciate it. I'm not on FB myself, but maybe in service of spreading the word I should reconsider? :)

Bea V Elliott said...

Yes for me too! Have never been more confident of the rational and kind choices I make... Yet more insecure about the world with all it's acknowledge ills. This uncertainty creates fear... The fear creates anger. Everything cancels out the peace till I renew my focus and then the whole "happiness/sadness/fear/anger" cycle begins again.

A lot has to do with who or what I encounter - And that's frustrating too because it leaves me vulnerable to someone else's "control". And it could change on a dime at any moment... A happy walk to my mailbox might turn to regret if there are supermarket "meat" fliers in the box. A pleasant drive might turn sour seeing a sign on someone's lawn for "pit-bulls for sale". Or as veganelder mentioned once in a post... I could be enjoying the tranquility of my home and then the sound of the "I-Scream" truck shatters my otherwise contented state.

I'm not much of a still thinker either - mediation might make me more anxious. But I think I've learned to handle the day to day unpredictable situations more though... I've perfected the art of deep sighing, lip biting and counting slowly from #1 till whenever I'm collected again.

I also fight some of it with sarcastic quips that only people who know me well "get"... And most of the time I know that probably doesn't make me such a great human to be around either. But you know what they say about those who can't take a joke. :/

On the serious side, there's always good music, cooking, gardening, creative hobbies, and spending time with ever-receptive, genuine nonhumans... Without these, the peaceful and "provoked" quandaries in my world would be unbearable.

Oh yes... And sharing stories with like minded thinkers and those who have "un-become" also help immensely. Thank you for that have gone vegan! :)

have gone vegan said in reply to Bea V Elliott...

Yep, I can identify with a lot of what you're saying. Hate seeing animal flesh in fliers, can't believe how oblivious I was to it before (but I guess it was in the same way most people still don't "see" it today), and can quickly have my emotions turn because animal use/abuse is so pervasive.

That "chickens in the backyard" book I mentioned in response to your comment in part 1? Happily going through it until I came to the chapter on butchering chickens. Weird because most of the first 11 chapters were about how to take care of them and ensure their safety. But boom, the reality of how most people feel that other animals were created for THEIR use comes back to me full force. Even sadder though is that the authors start the chapter by saying that you should never name the chickens you raise, because if you do, you won't be able to do the deed. So they're acknowledging that once you form a relationship with these sentient beings (which begins with the simple act of naming), the chickens will no longer be considered products. Their solution? Use names like Colonial Sanders or Cacciatore if you name at all. I wanted to yell right in the thrift store, "then just don't eat them!" I don't understand how people who have interacted with chickens (or cows or sheep, etc.), and have nurtured them to some degree, can then turn around and pretend they're objects. Bah! And right there I felt like leaving the store.

I think counting is something I should probably try as my temper flares pretty quickly. Yes, I'll try that. One chicken, two chickens, three chickens, four chicken-killing idiots who ought to be cooped up themselves, oops, five chickens, six chickens...

And yes, I think engaging in activities that perhaps have nothing to do with veganism may help to recharge those batteries, or at least, lower blood pressure. Oh, and cuddling with my kitty ALWAYS helps.

Thank YOU Bea, for being part of my community. It's invaluable for keeping calm and veganing on! :)


I went through an anger period but for the most part now I am just proactive in my everyday life helping animals and being vegan by example I have influenced so many people. I feel so happy about my choices and I think that shows. By example,walking the walk is the best way I believe because humans despise being told what to do so they must make up their own mind.On the flip side when people see someone healthy,happy and thriving they look to see what they are doing to achieve this.

Hi deannadylan1111! Thanks for dropping in!

I absolutely agree that people hate being told what to do. Or that they're wrong. Being a good example and walking the walk is probably the best way to influence others, but I have to admit that I still struggle with anger and that part of me still just wants to tell people to stop being such f%*!ing a$$h*les, snort. Guess I still have a long way to go! ;)

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Sunday, November 28, 2010

the paradox of being vegan part 1

 Note: the paradoxes of being vegan that I discuss in this and subsequent posts are my own personal observations, and not necessarily universally applicable to all vegans

Paradox #1:

  • Being vegan is easy
  • Being vegan is hard

Being vegan is easy. It really is. In fact, it's probably never been easier to be vegan what with all the resources readily available today. There are countless vegan products on the shelves, cookbooks galore, and a lot more awareness of veganism in general. Most people will know what you're referring to when you say you're a vegan, and while it may sting a little to hear veganism being parodied on TV, it means that veganism is becoming mainstream enough to be made fun of. And that's not necessarily a bad thing because it also means that veganism can no longer be ignored. I imagine that for those who've been vegan for decades or more, support was a lot harder to get back then. Now, even if you don't personally know a single other vegan, you can join all kinds of groups and networks, read vegan blogs until you're blue in the face, get whatever information you need, and really feel that you're part of an expanding and worthwhile community. Like I said, it's easy being vegan.

But, the opposite is true as well. No matter how easy it is to be vegan, it's damn hard too. Being vegan automatically means you're part of a minority that others view as radical and that brings its own challenges. Having been involved with other social justice movements over the years, I can tell you that supporting women's rights, gay rights, and disability rights does not evoke the same amount of hostility and suspicion that supporting animal rights does. Not surprising I guess because using animals is practically viewed as an inalienable right by most, and since almost everyone consumes animal products, you're going to get a lot of defensiveness if not downright anger. And because animal exploitation is big business, this anger is not only personal, but societal as well. Animal use is profitable, and when you attempt to stop this, you're stepping on big corporate toes as well. Add to that the common assumptions and stereotypes veganism evokes, the misconceptions (but where do you get your protein, we need to eat animals to stay healthy, blah blah blah), and the sometimes having to be a bit more resourceful in getting your food supplies, yeah, being vegan can be hard.

Luckily though, most vegans are pretty smart (and empathetic), and more than capable of dealing with two opposing truths in trying to create a better world. 

Comments

Krissa said...

It is so great to see a new post from you! And what an awesome post it is. If there were a court and it had a case for/against veganism, I'd say you should be the lawyer on the vegan side. (personally I'd call that the prosecution side because I think what is done to our fellow creatures is prosecution worthy, but I'm afraid that we're actually on the defense side as far as the world sees it). I don't know what the next paradox you present will be, but I agree totally with the one you presented here. For me, another thing that makes it easy is because it's just natural. It took me a long time, but it came together naturally and is just me, who I am. The hardest part for me is the extreme emotional disturbance, whether it be anger or depression, that comes from 'just being me'. ... Interesting that you've encountered more hostility in standing up for our fellow creatures than in standing up for our fellow humans who are in groups that are often vilified and seemingly hated even more than 'animals'. But yeah, it is very easy. So easy that there is no excuse not to be vegan. There are only personal reasons. And I can not understand for the life of my any possible personal reason a human could justifiably have that would say 'This is ok. Torturing, killing, using and abusing living, thinking, feeling creatures is ok.". Sigh. Our species needs a lot of work. ... Great post! Please do follow with more!

have gone vegan said in reply to Krissa...

Aw, thanks Krissa. You've actually kind of foreshadowed my next paradox by the way, so I know you won't be surprised and will probably be in agreement.

One of my theories (although it may be completely off base) is that most people don't want to think of themselves as cruel, and because it's human nature to want to see yourself as being consistent, it's easier to deny the cruelty of animal use itself. That way you can both figuratively and literally have your meat and eat it too. :(

Krissa said...

...life of "me"...that should have said "life of me"... Sheesh.

veganelder said...

You write: "supporting women's rights, gay rights, and disability rights does not evoke the same amount of hostility and suspicion that supporting animal rights does."

Almost another paradox, the more helpless the victim, the more hostility evoked by defense of the victim. Curious, isn't it?

have gone vegan said in reply to veganelder...

It is! Kind of how we like to pay lip service to the idea of protecting children and the elderly, when in fact we really don't. Internet child pornography for example, is a booming and highly lucrative business, and where's the outrage? If as a society we truly valued kids, we'd be spending a hell of a lot more money and time on this issue.

Krissa said...

Yesterday when I wrote that comment, I accidentally left out one of the hugest emotional disturbances I have about being vegan on my "hardest" part. And I have no idea how I forgot this because it's actually a big thing that happens to me every day. Maybe it is so bad that I go into denial for hours a day, but whenever I feel Paula and Spikey, I have such huge, huge guilt. I see pictures of slaughterhouses. It's pretty bad a lot of times. And I feel the guilt of what we've done to our fellow creatures by completely changing the nature of their being (now I'm talking about our cat and dog family members) so that they are even eating slaughterhouse 'by-products'. I'll just leave it at that and I didn't do a good job of expressing myself, but I fed them this morning and went through that again and then I remembered your post and my comment. And I had to picture the ones who went through a hideous death after a sad, tortured life so that I could open a couple packages of "food" for cats who would have never eaten that in their lives if it weren't for what we've done to them over the years. So yeah, that is one of the hardest parts of being vegan for me. It falls under the extreme emotions, but I should not have left it out.

have gone vegan said in reply to Krissa...

Well, domesticating dogs and cats happened so long ago (thousands of years I believe), that I wouldn't spend too much time feeling guilty about what we now feed our companions. I think we have to choose what issues we can realistically change and address. I mean, I'm not trying to downplay what you're feeling, but guilt can also be so demoralizing that it's paralyzing.

My cat is an obligate carnivore, and I don't have a problem with that. It's her nature and if I want to have her as a companion, then I have to accept that. And because she's not likely to be able to hunt for herself, short of feeding her raw frozen mice, I'll have to open cans. I guess what I'm trying to say is that just like we have to choose our battles, we have to choose what we're going to feel guilty about because the guilt list could be endless! :)

Krissa said in reply to have gone vegan...

You know what I think did it for me as far as the cat 'food' goes... I had already thought of it and been sad about it, but after I met my old cow friend (now deceased because she was considered nothing but 'meat') it got a lot worse. :( Thanks for putting her on your blog. I see her picture pop up every so often in the "you might like". I like to remember her the way we were as friends.

have gone vegan said in reply to Krissa...

I remember your cow friend (and like seeing her pic pop up once in a while). You named her Sweetie I think? Yeah, it probably makes it a lot harder when you've befriended what most consider a disposable food source. :(

Jill said...

Great post...!! I was actually just about to write a very similar one on my blog. Now I don't have to ;-)

While I personally find veganism "easy," I get frustrated when advocates blithely claim that veganism is easy for everyone -- when for some, it can be quite difficult. Acknowledging the challenges we may face can help struggling new vegans feel more "normal" and can give them strength to keep going.

Thanks for articulating this easy/hard paradox so well!

have gone vegan said in reply to Jill...

Thank you so much Jill! And isn't it funny how people can come up with the same ideas to write about? Glad I was able to save you a bit of time and work. ;)

Yeah, in terms of daily routine I find veganism pretty easy too, although I certainly have noticed the difference in experience of being vegan in a relatively large city and a small rurally-based town. And I think you're so right that we need to be honest and not sugarcoat some of the challenges involved, especially for new vegans.

Thanks so much for popping in and adding your voice to this discussion! :)

Bea V Elliott said...

Gee... Where have I been? So sorry I missed the original launch of your paradox series - But then again, happy to have found them now/today... As I'm in the mood for a brain-teaser and an investigation into conditions that seem to contradict each other.

In fact just recently I became aware that even though I have this new "knowledge" about bird/chicken anatomy - I have an even more difficult time relaying factual information...

You may not know, but I share my home with a flock of hens - Well, one is injured... It was one but is now two of her legs. She, (Cleo) is managing fine walking on her hocks and scooting on her wings. But when I tried to explain this to someone close (a *very* non-vegan friend) - I found everything I tried to say about Cleo was difficult... Citing her "breasts" that scuff the ground... her "wings" that she uses as arms... And her "legs" --- Yes, the part no ones really sees that is connected to her feet that no one sees either. Very hard to explain that her toe nails now need to be trimmed because she doesn't scratch and that chickens don't walk on "drum-sticks". :(

I don't know... it was just so ironic trying to explain the physical troubles of a (beautiful) bird while knowing that the listener munches on them as a daily practice. No matter what I said, it could have been read that I was mocking their eating habits. (heaven forbid!) - This is my paradox for sure...

I too think it so telling that your work with other justice issues brought less condemnation than your focus on animal issues. Really does illustrate societies discomfort at choosing "not to know".

I sincerely like this series! Now on to what you've updated since! :)

have gone vegan said in reply to Bea V Elliott...

Hi Bea! Awesome that you like the series, and hey, you probably found it when the timing was right for you.

Yes, I remember you talking about Cleo on Harry's blog, and am glad she's still alive and getting around in her own way. I can well imagine the difficulty and discomfort though in describing her troubles and progress.

I thought of you the other day actually when I ran into a used "raising chickens in your backyard" book at the local thrift. Being a bit envious of your flock of hens I was perusing the book and happily looking at the pictures until I ran into the chapter on eating the chickens! But I'll get into that more with one of your other comments.

Yep, I have found that almost nothing makes people angrier than suggesting that we shouldn't use other animals. So sad.

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

12 questions vegans might want to ask themselves

 

  • what does being vegan mean to me?
  • am I vegan enough? who gets to decide?
  • who gets to define veganism? abolitionism?
  • is it more important to me to be right, or more important to be effective? 
  • how do I know that my advocacy IS effective?
  • is it even possible to change anyone else's behaviour?
  • is there any point in having a blog if I'm only preaching to the converted?
  • is there anything that would stop me from being a vegan?
  • what can I do to keep myself motivated in being an activist?
  • what can I do to prevent burnout?
  • what would a vegan world actually look like?
  • what progress do I see happening? what's working? what gives me hope?

There are of course no right questions, just as there are no right answers, but are there other (and probably better) questions that YOU ask yourself?

Comments

veganelder said...

Good points, I especially like the 2nd and 3rd ones. Think of all the difficulties and travails associated with attempts to attain perfection. I might have been perfect for about 30 seconds once when I was around 4 years old. Never before or since. :-)

Krissa said...

I particularly like the 4th question, though all are great. ... As for having a blog if you are possibly only preaching to the choir, I think that it's always better to put your brick in the internet wall because you never know who is going to see it and what effect it's going to have. You might remember, but I'll share it anyway in case people are reading comments, that I got started on my path to total anti-cruelty by an accident. I was looking up something entirely unrelated and landed on the ALF website (not a blog, but still) and saw a horrific photo of a cat in a lab and that was what got me started righting all my wrongs. And before that I really considered myself an "animal lover" and I was a "vegetarian", etc. But I was just another part of the problem in reality. So, I think the blogs are good because they might make a difference that you will never even know about. And it's a good way for like-minded folks to come together from all around the world. That in itself can give hope when hope is fading. The only question I can think of at the moment is "why in the world did we do this and let this happen to our fellow creatures in the first place?". Which of course has as many answers as we have questions.

Fritz said...

I think it's great that you have a blog, So I'm Thinking of Going Vegan, because I'm always looking to read more comments by nice vegetarians/vegans, and you seem to be one. Plus, I really admire your determination to be vegetarian/vegan even in a TOWN! Talk about AMAZING! : )

Thanks, veganelder. I think you're perfectly delightful myself. ;)

Hey Krissa, I think vegan blogs are great, for the very reasons you mentioned. I do think though that they tend to attract those already converted, or those wanting to defend animal use, more than the undecided. But I wanted to start a blog primarily to document the process, and to explore vegan identity. I like your own question, although sadly I'm not sure that there will ever be a good answer. But we have to keep asking, eh?

Fritz! I believe I've seen you over at The Vegan Soapbox? A hearty welcome to my blog. I certainly TRY to be a nice vegan, although I don't always succeed, snort. As for being vegan in a small town, yes it can be more challenging, but it's certainly worth the effort. Thanks for dropping by! :)

Krissa said...

Just this morning I was thinking about the "preaching to the choir" thing and while I agree with you that most of the folks reading are already vegan, I had a thought of my own about the undecideds. And I think your blog in particular is a good one to reach those folks because you present so many different aspects (the recipes, humor and philosophical things along with the 'animal rights' issues) and do so with an even temperament. I think it's good if undecideds see a wide range and not just too much of any one thing. So yeah, I think the blogs are definitely worth the effort. And you probably will not know how many folks, undecided or not, that you influence in some way - so keep it up all you bloggers! :)

Krissa said...

Yep, it's a little bit later now than when I left the above comment, but I remembered that I left out something I thought of about the undecideds that is very important! I think there are a lot of people who are doing their own research about veganism/diet (as much as i hate to use that word in connection with what is right)/philosophy/etc and as you know, when a google search is done, all kinds of things come up that are relevant to the search even if the searcher didn't intend it. SO... I think that there are undecideds who are going to land on your blog and others, who weren't intending to find the results that they find here/there. I re-read my comment above and still thought I should add this one - even though I might be preaching to the choir. :) ... Thanks though to you and to everyone who blogs for the cause (ha ha!). (I don't like the word cause, but it made a good rhyme there). ;)

Aw thanks, Krissa, I appreciate the support. And you're right, there are so many different aspects to being vegan, and I think they all deserve to be explored. Plus, you never know what part will resonate with the reader and get them to think about the issues more critically, so why not give them a vegan smorgasbord of sorts.

Hey, I think I like the term "undecideds" -- so much better than
ignorant murderous assholes -- kidding! I would never call anyone that.

Krissa said...

I don't know....ignorant murderous assholes is pretty good. Snort!

Oh, I feel bad today about having said that! I thought it was kinda funny at the time, but...

Krissa said...

Well, you've known me through my own journey so you know that there was a time when my thoughts about people were pretty mild compared to that remark. So don't feel bad. I know in your heart you feel just as much compassion for the human animals as the natural ones. It is impossible to be Aware and NOT get angry or feel disgust for humans at least once in awhile. It's just good to know that all humans don't fall into the 'ignorant...' category. :)

HA said...

Hello,

I just wanted to add the comment that I stumbled on your blog because I am just in the beginning stages of transitioning to vegan. But, I feel as though I am too new and not far along enough yet to call myself "vegan." And, I am not sure if I feel comfortable "coming out" to friends and family who have never known me as a vegan. I guess right now I am answering "What does being vegan mean to me?" and "Am I vegan enough?"

So, your blog is helpful as a way of reading about another's experience and a form of support.

So, thank you! And keep blogging :-)

have gone vegan said in reply to HA...

Hello Ha! :)

Thanks for commenting, and for the encouragement. I have to admit that there have been times when I've questioned the usefulness of this blog, so reading that it's helpful to at least one other person helps me in turn to stay motivated to keep the blog going!

I sure remember being a new vegan as well, and all the uncertainty that came with it. My advice would be to use whatever label (or no label!) you feel comfortable with, and to come out whenever it feels right for you. Don't let anyone play the vegan police with you either, because it's up to you how you define/label yourself, and what your personal code of vegan conduct will be. Also know that wherever you end up finding yourself along the vegan philosophy spectrum, there will be others! And detractors i.e., those who will tell you that you're either not vegan enough, or have gone too far. Again, it's up to you to know what is right for you and your circumstances. But regardless of your journey, welcome to the wonderful world of veganism! :)

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